Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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