I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
