Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
