Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
