grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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