Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?