Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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