I accidentally burped into my bong.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
