did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
