one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
