And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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