Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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