k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
