I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
