watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
