I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
