other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
