Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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