I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
