My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
