I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
