I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
