I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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