This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
