Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Your penis caused this!
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