Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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