my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
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