Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
