dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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