what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
