Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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