I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
