Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
