I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
someone owes me an orgasm
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
