Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
