Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I wish you could order shots online.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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