While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
