Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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