whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
