Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
