does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
