Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
