you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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