we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
