why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
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I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
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I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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