I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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