as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
