oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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