Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
