someone get that fucking seahorse.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
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