we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
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He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
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And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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