I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
