I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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