Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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