Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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