dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
