the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I came so hard my ears popped.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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