I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize