Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
