Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
