I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
