the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
