like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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