I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Bang-toberfest begins!!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My bed smells like the plague
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
