You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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