so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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