dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
