She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
worst night to have a conscience
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
