I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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