I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
