put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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