I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
