Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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