I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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