he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
