I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
