I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My legs feel like baby dolphins
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