hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Randomize
