I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Randomize
