she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
