is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
