i jhust puked up my retainher.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
