Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
