I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize