My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
