I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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