I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
