And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
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I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
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There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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