i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
