I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
