I need to stop coming to work sober
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
